I want to start with a disclaimer. I absolutely love being my Peyton’s mom. She literally has become the reason I live and breathe. Just one gummy smile from her can change my entire outlook on life. But to be really real, being a mom is freaking hard! I mean really, REALLY hard.
As a mother, I am personally responsible for the outcome of this little person’s life. That is a gigantic pill to swallow, especially considering there are so many factors that I have no control over.
We live in a time consisting of a growing number of “broken” families. I do know that every “broken” home does not result in a broken child, but so many do. It all depends on how we define “broken”. My parents were best friends and dated from the age of 14 and later got married and produced the awesomeness that is me! But, they divorced when I was in 3rd grade and although they were VERY mature in how they handled things (definitely more mature that I would/could be at this point) it still left scars and affected me in ways that I have carried into my adult life. While I am not advocating maintaining a two-parent home or entering into a union JUST for the child, I can say married or not once there is a child involved you REALLY have to work on things before you call it quits. On top of everything else life is throwing at you, you have to really work and exhaust all options because anything less than that is just down right selfish.
Kids are expensive. Let’s say it again: KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE! Like, take out a second mortgage on your house expensive! One thing I constantly remind myself is that Peyton didn’t asked to be here so, in my opinion, putting her needs before my own is the only option. Those that really know me, know that I am a self-proclaimed hippie stuck in the body of a control freak! This also means that I’m something like a nomad. I crave travel, new places, new experiences, and new atmospheres. At this point, though, I’ve sincerely had to die to myself a little bit because her future is paramount. So, travel and new experiences take a backseat to private school tuition and the best education for my sixteen month old. As an educator by trade, I see the decline of public school education in the state of Texas and have vowed to put Peyton in an atmosphere that will be conducive to her greatness. I would even home school her myself, but since Mommy needs to make that dough, private school is the best place she can be. As mothers, we all have choices we have to make and, for some, education at that her age may not be top priority. However, we can all relate to the startling reality of sacrifice in some area in order to make sure our mini’s are being provided for to the best of our abilities.
Am I the only mom that feels like I have yet to sleep since my child has been born?! I mean, I close my eyes but that real sleep I used to experience once upon a time no longer exists for me. With every cough, sniffle, or movement she makes I am on full alert, staring at that monitor screen to make sure my child is still breathing. All the while her father is in a dead sleep without a care in the world. If you could see my side-eye....
To be honest, it feels good to rant a little bit because I know I can’t possibly be the only one feeling this way. Mommy friends, what are some of the things that cause you stress as it relates to #MomLife? Does anyone have any positive words or advice for us first time Mamas?
I really just feel like the world is on my shoulders sometimes and balance is hard to attain. * Rant Over* To anyone who actually read this, thank you for being my diary. You are appreciated.