If I could sum up 2016 in one word it would definitely be “disrespectful”. I have been in this world 30+ years and NEVER have I felt so personally assaulted in my life than in 2016. Believe me, when you feel like you have hit your rock bottom your faith will be tested in such a way that it is hard to wake up each day and sometimes you are not sure if you even want to. Yes, I had those days. There were about two to three months when I wasn’t sure if I believed in God anymore and questioned my purpose, my self worth, and my existence. It was bad, y’all.
At some point, I started taking inventory and realized a couple of things. Number one, you can not allow others to determine your mood and if they have that big of an impact in your life then it may be time to let them go permanently or at least until they can add value to your circumstance. You see, many people (read: me) allow negative situations and scars from past experiences to continuously resurface because they have unhealed wounds that they justify in an effort to legitimize why these wounds are allowed to stay “open” or unhealed. This isn’t good though because, ultimately, they can create on-going paralysis which will result in self-created misery. Who has time for that?!
Number two, God really does have a purpose behind any difficulties that we may face and it is extremely important that we do not allow our problems to consume us and instead rely on HIM. Instead of becoming confused, frustrated, and disillusioned it is ok to seek answers, ask God why, and do the work to prepare yourself to be ready to for whatever answers are provided. After the first couple of months of doubting and ending up feeling worse than when I started, with the help of a friend I did a total turn around and ran to God with everything I had. I went all in. I read books and downloaded apps, drowned myself in gospel music and Joel Osteen radio to the point where it was really hard for those negative thoughts and circumstances to find their way into my day (that didn’t stop them from trying though). God does not see trouble the way we do. If nothing else, this I am sure of. Where we see turmoil, He sees opportunities. Where we see defeat, He sees growth and betterment; and we just have to trust in that with all our heart and practice patience.
I am by no means a super religious person. I define myself more as spiritual and although I have a long path ahead of me, I am growing each and everyday. I am super grateful for all of the times I didn’t get what I want, even if I do not realize it at the current moment.