Is It A Match?

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As I am typing this, I am sitting on a patio waiting on my date, this is our second date, and we met because I lost a bet and was challenged to do something I had never done before - 30 days of online dating. Yup, I am in my mid 30’s and have never swiped right, left, or anything of the such until September of 2019.

Image via  Lit Hub

Image via Lit Hub

As a connoisseur of black romantic drama films, I spent my young adult life piecing together what dating in my twenties would look like( I mean there was absolutely no way I wouldn’t be married by 30, right?). Perhaps I’d be out at a spoken word/open mic night, and someone would send over a round of drinks. No, I’d accidentally bump into someone at my weekend coffee shop, spilling coffee and creating a conversation over how I shouldn’t be so engrossed in my phone and how I needed to pay attention to where I was going -only to have the mysterious stranger slip me his number. My favorite was bumping carts at Sprouts and discussing our favorite smoothie recipes while making plans to meet over a workout at a local gym. Y’all, I am here to tell you that literally none of these scenarios actually happen in real life — not a one.

If the universe loves you and the scenarios mentioned above have actually happened to you, resulting in a life long partnership that you know should be made into a Lifetime movie, know that I am happy for you. Like genuinely happy for you. But for the remainder of us that are just out there trying to figure all of this out, the reality is dating is hard AF.

Now before you put me in the bitter black woman category, let me also say this:

Dating is difficult and requires a level of vulnerability that most of us are not really open to if we are honest with ourselves, but it is also exciting, and such a fantastic growth lesson. Most things that require us to be introspective and step outside our comfort zones are usually hard — but that doesn’t mean that they’re wrong.
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Talking to my friends who are also in the dating scene usually ends in sighs and grumbles and complaints of the lack of prospects they are coming in contact with on their swiping ventures and even when they do put themselves out there does not lead to anything. I for one am not here to down dating apps, I mean I know people that have went on to find their forever loves from Match, I myself even had a decent experience and am actually about to do a beer and doughnut tasting with a man that I met during my month exploring online. In general,I do get tired of the “getting to know you” phase, and the constant,” “wow, you are too*fill in the blank* to be single. It’s draining but necessary to get to know someone, I guess.

I’m personally not one to lean into “dating advice,” because dating is such a different and personal experience for everyone, but I also don’t mind sharing my own experience. So as I have decided that the dating apps are not for me at all, I can share with you some things I am committing to doing this next month to put myself out there more.

  1. Mr/Mrs. Right isn’t going to pop up at your house unless they happen to be the UPS delivery person (because that would be breaking and entering.) So you pretty much have to get yourself out there. I am an introvert like 100%, and this was an unwelcome realization that I’ve had to deal with over the last two months of being single-single. You mean I need actually to leave my home to meet people? Yup. So while I’m here for anyone who wants to join me in the lazy weekend Netflix-binge club, I am also going to say that if you’re going to put yourself out there, actually get out there.

  2. You pretty much need to let the world know that you are, in fact, single. I personally (until two months ago) had been in a situation where I was dating someone exclusively, and when asked if I was single, I always had a “grey area” response. So with that, I realize that people who are, in fact, interested never really knew if I was even open to dating. So to reverse the situation, I now realize how important it is to share that I am single and this dating journey that I am on. I

  3. Love Yourself, Single and All: This requires a mental shift more than a plan of action. As someone who has had two of my closest friends find what they would describe as the “love of their” lives literally within weeks of being single ( like can we not all be happy at the same time?) it can be challenging to feel like I need to play catch up or compare myself to a timeline I set for myself in middle school( like what did I really even know back then?). Instead, start owning and loving who you are on your own because that’s really the most essential relationship in your world.

Bottom line is this – there is no formula to dating, it’s going to take some effort to figure out the right method for you, and just because it seems like everyone out there is swiping right, that doesn’t mean you need to depend on the same process if it doesn’t feel right to you.

But if online dating is your jam, then I suggest using Match.com as a safe way to interact with singles in your area that hold your same fundamental common interests.

Please Note: This post is sponsored. All comments about any products or services are my own and I have and will always remain transparent about my opinions. I will not endorse any products or services that I would not use.

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