So you have (or are going to have) a baby. Now what? When you are pregnant everyone gets it. I mean, you have a big bump on your belly so the proof is quite literally under your shirt. But, after the newness of the baby wears off people without kids kind of expect you to be who you once were. Many don’t consider the added expenses, responsibilities, and change of mindset that has shifted who you were, to who you are destined to be. Your new role as mommy is such a blessing but more than anything it is also a life-altering adjustment and if your “squad” isn’t in the same place, you can find yourself searching for a group of people that just “get it.” That is what I like to refer to as your “Mommy Tribe.” But how in the hell do you find this eclectic group of moms that you can schedule playdates with, get advice, share parenting woes, and just be the awesome bad ass super mom that you are destined to be? The reality is that you may or may not and instead of stressing, just learn to be ok with that.
Most of my friends that have kids are married and love to be around other married couples so, me and my single mom story isn’t always a good fit. I have other single mom friends but, hell, we are all too tired trying to figure it out and sometimes you just don’t have enough energy to totally support someone else in the magnitude they need. Like, I CANNOT sit and talk on the phone for hours on end because I have stuff to do. Plus, I real life got “Single White Female(d)” by a new mom I attempted to befriend. God bless her heart, but still - WTF!?! That was enough to let me know to follow my gut, let things happen organically, and if I wasn’t really feeling you pre-baby, I am probably not going to be feeling you just because we both carried a baby for a long period of time. But, that is a story for another day.
So, after spending the first year of my child’s life attempting to nurture faux friendships with people whose kids were around the same age as mine, I came to this conclusion: EVERYONE isn’t going to find a mom tribe and it is perfectly ok to be completely transparent with your friends (with or without kids) and let them be your support system.
Also, accept support outside of your comfort zone. The best advice I get hands down is from moms that I have met via Instagram and Facebook. I have genuine momships with people that I have never met in real life that started with a couple of likes and “ohhh….your kid is cute” comments via a photograph. But, those moms send me parenting books in the mail, send Peyton birthday gifts, and are just freakin awesome examples of motherhood in general. All different ethnicities, all different walks of life, and all equally awesome.
Once again God has shown me that when you “plan” HE laughs. Everything isn’t going to be picture perfect, I may not get to walk on the trail with a group of moms with strollers in tow BUT I do get to schedule brunch dates with my kidless friends and let Peyton steal the show, and guess what? As I embark on year two of motherhood I am also learning that my mommy tribe may come at year 4 or 5 but I am enjoying being a mom and all of those who voluntarily signed up to take this journey with me.
What are some of the issues you may be facing as a new mommy? If you have found your mommy tribe, how did you go about it?